Being me is hard.
I never know what to expect from myself! My days are like roller coaster rides when it comes to dealing with being bipolar and then to top it off BPD. I can be perfectly happy and content one minute only to snap in a matter of seconds because there’s a piece of string on the floor or something stupid like that… Sometimes I fear that if my moods weren’t so sudden (and quick to change back) that my family (and friends) would miss out on a lot, as I’m sure they do already because of my foul ways. But, no matter how much I want to be different, it’s so hard. The feelings I get can’t just be tossed aside and forgotten and while these things may not matter to anyone else, at that point in time they matter to ME. It would be great if everyone could understand the way I (and many others with BPD) feel without judging so harshly. It hurts a lot to see myself act the way I do and not be able to control it. I want to be normal and happy and think the way the rest of the world does. I’m tired of being so negative towards myself because it DOES reflect on the people I love. I just hope that in the end my friends and family know that I love them more than anything and maybe someday I’ll have the will power to stick with a program and meds and just get better. Until then, I want to say thanks for all your support and love. It means so much to me, even though you might think it doesn’t… It’s the people that care so much for me that get me through my days in the end, because I know that they would miss me dearly if I wasn’t around. I could never hurt them like that. I’m here to stay! :)
